arrow

GH-35140: [R] Rewrite configure script and ensure we don't use mismatched libarrow (#35147)

I've significantly rewritten `r/configure` to make it easier to reason about and harder for issues like https://github.com/apache/arrow/pull/34229 and #35140 to happen. I've also added a version check to make sure that we don't obviously try to use a system C++ library that doesn't match the R package version. Making sure this was applied in all of the right places and handling what to do if the versions didn't match was the impetus for the whole refactor. 

`configure` has been broken up into some functions, and the flow of the script is, as is documented at the top of the file:

```
# * Find libarrow on the system. If it is present, make sure
#   that its version is compatible with the R package.
# * If no suitable libarrow is found, download it (where allowed)
#   or build it from source.
# * Determine what features this libarrow has and what other
#   flags it requires, and set them in src/Makevars for use when
#   compiling the bindings.
# * Run a test program to confirm that arrow headers are found
```

All of the detection of CFLAGS and `-L` dirs etc. happen in one place now, and they all prefer using `pkg-config` to read from the libarrow build what libraries and flags it requires, rather than hard-coding. (autobrew is the only remaining exception, but I didn't feel like messing with that today.) This should make the builds more future proof, should make it so more build configurations work (e.g. I suspect that a static build in ARROW_HOME wouldn't have gotten picked up correctly because it didn't add `-larrow_bundled_dependencies` to the libs, but now it will), and it may eliminate the redundant `-l` and `-D` setting I've observed in some builds (not harmful but definitely sloppy).

Version checking has been added in an R script for ease of testing (and for easier handling of arithmetic), and there is an accompanying `test-check-versions.R` added. These are run on all the builds that use `ci/scripts/r_test.sh`. 

### Behavior changes

* If libarrow is found on the system (via ARROW_HOME, pkg-config, or brew), but the version does not match, it will not be used, and we will try a bundled build. This should mean that users installing a released version will never have libarrow version problems. 
* If both the found C++ library and R package are on matching dev versions (i.e. not identical given the x.y.z.9000 vs x+1.y.z-SNAPSHOT difference), it will proceed with a warning that you may need to rebuild if there are issues. This means that regular developers will see an extra message in the build output.
* autobrew is only used on a release version unless you set FORCE_AUTOBREW=true. This eliminates another source of version mismatches (C++ release version, R dev version).
* The path where you could set `LIB_DIR` and `INCLUDE_DIR` env vars has been removed. Use `ARROW_HOME` instead.

* Closes: #35140
* Closes: #31989

Lead-authored-by: Neal Richardson <neal.p.richardson@gmail.com>
Co-authored-by: Sutou Kouhei <kou@cozmixng.org>
Signed-off-by: Neal Richardson <neal.p.richardson@gmail.com>